Vulnerability in Communication: Why Opening Up Deepens Connection

Episode 0005: Elizabeth Maxson (EMax)

Contentful CMO Elizabeth “EMax” Maxson talks leadership, women in tech, motherhood, boundaries, and finding harmony in work and life.

You’re in a conversation where someone asks how you’re really doing. You have two options. Give them the polished version: “I’m good, busy, you know how it is”, or tell them something true. That you’re struggling. That you don’t have it figured out. That you’re afraid or uncertain or overwhelmed.

Most people choose the polished version. It’s safer. It doesn’t risk judgment. It doesn’t expose you to someone who might use that information against you or think less of you.

But here’s what you lose: the possibility of real connection. The chance for someone to actually see you, know you, and meet you where you are. The opportunity to discover you’re not alone in whatever you’re experiencing.

Vulnerability in communication isn’t weakness. It’s the engine that drives real relationship. And avoiding it keeps you isolated even when you’re surrounded by people.

Why vulnerability creates connection

Connection requires being known. Not the version of you that you perform for others. The actual you, with doubts, fears, failures, and struggles you usually hide.

Elizabeth Maxson, CMO of Contentful, said it plainly on the podcast:

If you are very closed off, how can you expect others to help or advocate for you if they don’t understand it?

She was talking about workplace transparency, but the principle extends to all communication. When you hide your reality, people can’t connect with you. They can only connect with the persona you’re maintaining. That’s not intimacy. That’s performance.

Rob Bell, author and speaker, put it differently: “Vulnerability is the engine of everything. Risk all the way down in creative and personal life.” Without vulnerability, you have surface interactions. Pleasant, maybe. But shallow.

The reason vulnerability creates connection is simple: it gives permission. When you admit uncertainty, you make it safe for others to admit theirs. When you share a failure, others can stop pretending they haven’t failed. When you name what you’re struggling with, people can stop performing success.

Shared humanity requires someone to go first. Vulnerability is how you volunteer.

What vulnerability actually looks like in communication

Vulnerability isn’t oversharing. It’s not dumping your entire trauma history on someone in the first conversation. It’s not performing emotion for effect or using honesty as a weapon.

Real vulnerability is specific, boundaried, and contextual. It’s sharing something true about your experience that creates possibility for understanding and connection.

Maxson modeled this by putting her constraints on her calendar for everyone to see: school drop-off times, commute windows, non-negotiables. “The more people can really recognize you on a human level, the more they will be compassionate,” she explained.

That’s vulnerability without drama. Just honesty about her reality so people could work with her instead of around her. Not “let me tell you about my hard life.” Just “here’s what’s true for me.”

Bell described making peace with criticism early in his creative career. Getting shredded at 22, learning that vulnerability comes with the territory when you put work into the world.

Turning into the pain as a creator. Not fighting against criticism but accepting it comes with the territory.

That’s vulnerability too. Not performing toughness. Not pretending it doesn’t hurt. Just accepting that opening yourself to connection means opening yourself to rejection, and doing it anyway.

Signs you’re avoiding vulnerability

• You keep conversations surface-level even with people you trust
• You share facts about your life but not how you feel about them
• You deflect when someone asks how you’re really doing
• You only share struggles after they’re resolved
• You present the polished version of yourself in all contexts
• You change the subject when conversations get personal
• You feel lonely even when surrounded by people
• You don’t ask for help even when you need it
• You perform confidence you don’t actually feel
• You judge others for being vulnerable while hiding your own struggles

How to practice vulnerability in communication

1. Start small with people you trust

You don’t owe vulnerability to everyone. Some people haven’t earned it. Some contexts don’t support it. That’s fine.

Start with one person you trust. Share something small but true. Not your deepest trauma. Just something real. “I’m actually nervous about this presentation.” “I don’t know what I’m doing with this project.” “I’m struggling with this decision.”

See what happens. Most of the time? The other person meets you there. They share something real back. The conversation deepens. You both feel less alone.

2. Share your process, not just your outcomes

Most people only share the finished product. The success story. The resolution. They hide the messy middle where they didn’t know what they were doing, where they failed, where they doubted.

Maxson advocated for what she calls oversharing: being transparent about her process, her constraints, her struggles. Not for sympathy, but for clarity and connection.

“Overshare or they won’t understand,” she said. Not making people guess what you’re dealing with. Not expecting them to read your mind. Just being honest about what’s actually happening.

This doesn’t mean constant processing out loud. It means letting people see the real journey, not just the highlight reel.

3. Admit when you don’t know

“I don’t know” is one of the most vulnerable things you can say in a culture that rewards certainty. It’s also one of the most connecting.

Maxson said she’s “not afraid when you don’t know something. Honesty and vulnerability about knowledge gaps.” In leadership, in relationships, in any domain where people pretend expertise they don’t have, admitting uncertainty creates space for real collaboration.

When you pretend to know, people relate to your fake certainty. When you admit you don’t, people can actually help. Or learn with you. Or admit they don’t know either.

4. Let people see your constraints

Most people hide what they think makes them look weak or limited. Family obligations. Health issues. Financial constraints. Energy limitations. Fear that others will judge them or see them as less capable.

Maxson did the opposite. Calendar transparency about drop-offs and pickups. Honest about the 30 hours per week of mental load she carries. Open about trying to slow down and listen to her body.

Not complaining. Not making excuses. Just honest about her reality so people could work with it. “The more people understand you, the more compassionate,” she explained.

Hiding your constraints doesn’t make you look stronger. It just makes people confused when you can’t do things they didn’t know were impossible for you.

5. Respond to vulnerability with vulnerability

When someone shares something real with you, don’t immediately fix it, minimize it, or redirect. Don’t make it about you. But also don’t just absorb it and move on.

Meet them where they are. “That sounds really hard.” “I’ve felt that too.” “Thank you for telling me that.” Acknowledge what they shared. Let them know you see them.

Then, if it’s appropriate, offer something real back. Not to one-up their story. Not to make it about you. Just to show that you heard them and trust them with something real too.

That’s how vulnerable communication builds. One person goes first. The other meets them. Back and forth until both people feel seen.

6. Practice in low-stakes contexts first

You don’t have to start with the hardest thing. Practice vulnerability in small ways in casual conversations. Share a minor worry. Admit a small mistake. Say something uncertain instead of definitive.

Build the muscle in contexts where the stakes are low. Get used to the feeling of being slightly exposed. See that most people respond with connection, not judgment.

Then when high-stakes vulnerability is needed, you have the practice to actually do it.

7. Accept that some people can’t meet you there

Not everyone can handle vulnerability. Some people were taught to avoid emotion at all costs. Some feel threatened by honesty. Some will use what you share against you.

That’s information. Those aren’t your people for deep connection. You can still have pleasant interactions. You just won’t have intimacy.

Bell talked about accepting that creative work would get “shredded” by some people. That death threats and rage would come from people who couldn’t handle what he was offering. His vulnerability wasn’t for them. It was for the people who could receive it.

Same in communication. Your vulnerability is for people who can meet you there. Not everyone will. That’s okay.

Takeaway

Vulnerability in communication is how you move from knowing people to actually connecting with them. From surface pleasantries to real relationship. From performing a polished version of yourself to being seen as you actually are.

It’s risky. Someone might judge you. Someone might use what you share against you. Someone might not be able to meet you there. Those are real risks.

But the cost of avoiding vulnerability is higher. Isolation while surrounded by people. Relationships that stay pleasant but never deepen. The loneliness of being known only by the version of yourself you perform.

As Rob Bell said, vulnerability is the engine of everything. Without it, you’re running on empty. With it, you create possibility for the kind of connection that makes life worth living.

As Elizabeth Maxson demonstrated, the more people understand you on a human level, the more compassionate they become. But they can’t understand you if you never let them see you.

Start small. One person. One true thing. See what happens. Most of the time, you’ll find someone waiting for permission to be real too.