Episode 0006: Joshua Graves

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In this episode, Kendall talks with author and designer Joshua Graves, whose book We Need to Talk, A Survival Guide for Tough Conversations explores why communicating honestly can feel so hard—and how we can get better at it without abandoning kindness or our own humanity.

Joshua shares the early experiences that shaped his relationship with conflict, including growing up in the South where “niceness” was often valued more than clarity. As he moved into design work, software, and leadership, he found himself in high-stakes situations without a roadmap for approaching disagreement. That tension pushed him into research on conflict resolution, negotiation, boundaries, trauma-informed communication, and the role power dynamics play in how we speak to one another.

Kendall and Joshua talk about what it means to listen well and how separating facts from the stories we tell ourselves can help us respond with more generosity. They explore the difference between kindness and politeness, how cultural and generational influences shape communication, and why so many of us shrink away from difficult conversations even when they matter most.

Joshua also reflects on the interviews and research that shaped his book, the importance of knowing your boundaries, and why assuming positive intent has limits. They get into the emotional side of conflict: what happens in our bodies, why conversations with people in power feel especially charged, and how to stay grounded when discomfort shows up.

This conversation is thoughtful, gentle, and deeply practical. If you’ve ever struggled to give honest feedback, approach a tough conversation at work, set a boundary, or simply listen with more presence, Joshua offers tools that are accessible and human—not scripts, not quick fixes, but ways of seeing that help us show up with more clarity and care.

As always, stay curious, keep asking questions, and if Joshua’s insights spark something in you, share your thoughts in the comments or on social media. We’d love to hear how this conversation lands with you.

Question of the week:

What would it look like if we were just a little kinder to ourselves?